The following below are a few points to help you as a guide to meeting and starting your relationship. It will help you in your search for that loving Thai wife
DATING YOUR CHOSEN PARTNER
Your both probably going to be nervous, relax we will take care of that too. We will do all we can to make you both feel comfortable in pleasant surroundings. You will want to spend time together and we can provide Thai / English speaking staff to be with you to help in translation if needed.
We can help with eating out, tours, places of interest and of course shopping for those bargains only Thailand can give. Whatever your needs to make your time magical we are always at hand and available to help and support you both. See our Tab “Car Hire “should you wish to explore with independence. At this stage you need to be aware of the cultural respect and moral code expected in dating your new potential partner please read our “Dating Tab” in the home page prior to you arriving in Thailand and again we will advices you in discussion prior to meeting your chosen selections in respect of conduct and morals expected.
Thailand is no different to any other country in having a capital city where you may find more liberal views of morals and living standards. Again like other countries rural areas are less likely and slower to change. The same is true in the main of Northern Thailand where you are far more likely to find traditional values and morals codes held with high esteem. In all cases the respect of the individual is essential. Any theory of “sex between two consenting adults " is best left behind before you depart for Thailand. It may apply in bars in Bangkok and Pattaya but elsewhere it will be unwelcome and unacceptable. It could also bring disrespect to the lady and her family. Again you will find us helpful and supportive to make sure that both our service and your meetings are perfect.
A genuine Thai lady will be shy and reserved at first until she gets to know you. Give her time to do this.Her family and friends and may be her local community will almost certainly know she is meeting you and that creates excitement and interest. She will feel others are watching her and may even feel her morals and status will be judged. She will want to commit to you but in doing so will want to be sure you are going to commit to her otherwise she may lose her status and respect from family and friends. Be sensitive and understanding to that. Leave behind your thoughts of two consenting adults having sex. That's a breakdown of western values and not one shared in Thailand with respectable ladies of families. Be gentle in your approach; smile a lot to make her feel at ease with you. She wants to be a Thai bride as much as you want a Thai wife but she will want to be sure you are honest and sincere too
Remember you are in her land not yours. Thais are very proud of their country, cultures and language too. Remember they speak Thai in Thailand not English. It will be you that does not speak Thai not her that does not speak English. Don't make her feel uncomfortable about what English she knows. Do try to communicate with her in Thai and make as much effort to do that as she is in trying to communicate with you. It may be good for her to learn it later but don't let her think it is an issue now. After all you might have only just met!!!!
A Guide to A Few Don’ts
- Don't be late on your first date
- Don't take her to a bar or disco on your first date and certainly not to your hotel room or bed.
- Don't misunderstand if she wants to have a friend with her for a few dates. She may still worry a little about you.
- Don't come with all the I love you's and sweet talk too soon, you don't want to give the impression you do this all the time or you are a playboy. If she does take you home to meet her family she is making a statement to them that you are the one to them and she, they or both will be thinking you will marry one day. With that the family will accept you almost instantly. If she takes another man home within 1 year that may bring disrespect to her family, and her community think of her with low morals or as a bar girl.
- Don't buy expensive gifts, gold or jewels until you both make a commitment. You may give her the wrong impression that you are loaded with money this is not an impression you want to give.
- Don't buy her chocolates, she may like them but does not want to be overweight for you. Most worry a lot about their appearance.
- Don't complain about things. She wants to think she makes you happy and don't say Thailand is not as good as your country or yours is better. She is proud to be Thai and proud of her country. If you do complain about Thailand she won't understand why you came or want to be there. If there is a communication problem then you are the problem. She will speak Thai perfectly. Don't make her feel guilty about her own culture and language.
- Don't dress too casual. Be smart as she wants to be proud of you.
- Don't lose your cool or show temper if things go wrong in shops or with services. She won't understand you or why. To lose your temper or even shout can be seen as a mark of disrespect.
- Don't try too hard to impress her with your past She won't be too interested, She will care about your future and being together and she will be interested in the security and stability of you with her in marriage. She was not part of your past and will not judge it but will want you to be part of her future. She will expect the same respect for her past too. Don't make too many judgments about it. You did not know her then. Accept her as she is now which is why she is with you.
- Don't ask her for her phone number before you meet. The general advice they get is not to give phone numbers out until after they have met, a playboy always wants the phone number. That's how he plays. You don't want her to think that. You may want to hear her voice but leave something for the first meeting. She may also see it as an English test and clam up. You don't want to make her feel awkward.
And Now Some Do’s
- Do realize that if she does call you or write to you she likes you
- Do invite her for a meal or to go too the movies or to visit a public place of interest.
- Do buy her small gifts from time to time. Clothes she will love and very cheap in Thailand but expensive to them sometimes.
- Do dress well, be clean, use deodorant and smell nice. Remember it's hot here and you will sweat more.
- Do ask about her parents. She will want you to care for them too.
- Do open doors for her, be a gentleman, carry her bags?
- Do speak about her country, she is proud of it be interested in Thai history and people.
- Do encourage her to visit a temple and take a merit share of what it all means with her. That will please her.
- Do try not to smoke or drink. Many Thai men do both to excess sometimes. She may worry you will change when you have too much to drink. She will also care about your health...
- Do understand that most Thai girls are very close to their family. To get close to her means getting close to them too. The family is the fabric of life in Thailand. There is no social or government fund outside of the family so she depends on it. In marriage you become part of that family so it will take care of you too. The principal is that each generation takes care of the one above so her / your children will take of you one day so do be family minded.
- Do respect that a date is a serious thing to her and the road to marriage. If you become the boyfriend she will read that as if you are going to be married one day.
- Do understand that if she sleeps with you she will believe you are to be getting married one day
- Do understand that if she takes you to meet her parents this is the first step to getting married. If she does not want to take you home yet she is still not sure about you.
- Do understand that caring for you in cooking, cleaning and washing your clothes gives her pleasure and she is happy caring for you in this way. She will want you to know and feel she will make you a good wife. 50/50 sharing the chores has not yet arrived in Thailand try not to impose that on her it may confuse her and if her mother finds out you are doing the washing it may get her some grief from the family.
- Do let her ask about your health. That means she cares about you.
- Do realize that most Thai Ladies would prefer a guy that seriously loved them to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash; she will want you to understand that.
- Do show interest to the children of her family or friends. Thais love children. In many cases parents never stop caring and providing for children whatever their age. Children are not brought up to be independent at 18. They are taught to respect and be part of the family for life. That is how it used to be in your land. Somehow those values got lost. Thailand still has them so respect that.
- Do respect who and what she is. Be careful how much you change her. Don't try to make her the same as you in all things western. You fell in love with whom and what she is. You may not like what you change her into. If you want a western lady there are many where you came from.
We would like to credit much of the above to the writer Stephen Clearly who lives and works in Thailand. He does have a website, well worth a visit where you will find many facts about Thailand and some wonderful honest reading.
Remember sex before marriage is normally unacceptable in a respectable society. Even if she has been married before the same rule may apply. Just because she has been married before is not an indicator that she will have any fewer morals than meeting her first husband.
A Thai girl or ladies purity is highly regarded and should that innocence be lost it is highly unlikely she could find a good husband. Please respect this and her.
Because Thailand is cheap for most things please don't think people are too. They may have little and look up to you in status as having more. We end this with how we started in saying they are proud people with principals and morals. Don't take or try to take that away from them. Thailand has it's ladies of the night in a different place and it's not hard to find if that's what you want.
Not all will agree and this is not rule or law but a guide that will not let you down in meeting any genuine Thai lady who wants to be a Thai Bide with a western gentleman.
Thai society is based on family and respect. The more you show of understanding for that the more will be shown to you later. You don't marry the family but when you marry and have a Thai wife you become part of her family. Care for that and it will care for you. When relationships in the past have gone wrong the lady will return to the family for support. There is no state aid or funds. If she loses her family she loses everything and be on her own. That can be harsh, swift and even cruel by western standards so please try to understand her culture and morals and you will be rewarded with a Thai wife of your dreams.
Thai Personal Connections Ltd